October 27, 2006

Rush Limpballs 

Ok...the subject of this tirade will be pure venting of my hatred for mother-fucking, pain-killer addict, viagra popping, mind-warping, completely full of shit Rush Limbaugh. His voice is like fingernails on chalkboard to me. WHY does anyone listen to this fucking idiot?!?!? His latest tirade berating Michael J. Fox for "acting" like he has Parkinsons is a perfect demonstration of the fact that he has NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT.


Now, someone go shoot him.

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October 13, 2005

I have a Warrant for your Bitching 

Wow. It's been a while since I've been in here. This place could use a remodel. lol

Well, for those of you who have followed the link here from my blog, you must be curious about my hit-and-run incident with Mr. Reaper on Tuesday. Go you. It's not really so gory as it is gross, but believe me, it was no fun to be there. If you get queazy easily or can't handle talk about puke, I advise you to move on now.

Can't say I didn't warn ya.

Monday was typical - nothing particularly interesting going on. I went to bed around midnight, tired and ready to crash but otherwise feeling fine. Around 4:30 in the morning, I was literally awakened by my own vomiting. It seems I had vomited into my mouth and then inhaled it - a LOT of it. I was literally drowning. I bolted up, panicking because I couldn't breathe. I gagged and choked, and coughed up huge amounts of it (fortunately mostly in the toilet). It was excrutiating and felt like forever before I could draw a breath. I coughed violently for about an hour, much of that sitting on the edge of the bed. Chris was completely oblivious - didn't even wake up. The man could sleep through a tornado.

I digress. Sorry.

Of course, after this fresh hell, my windpipe, esophagus, everything was burned by the acid. I fell back into bed, coughing weakly and feeling the burn. Of course, I got back to sleep about the time the alarm went off. I tossed about for a while, then realized it was time to haul it into the bathroom again. I heaved again (and again, and again...)...it was like nothing I'd eaten for the last two days had moved past my stomach. Oh, and burn...damn, it burnt. fuck.

By this time, I had a fever and was sweating like crazy. I washed my face and went back to bed. My whole body ached like I'd been run over. I told Chris I was sick and he had to take D to school. After much grumbling, he determined that there was no choice in the matter. I fell in and out but couldn't really sleep because everything hurt so bad. It was hell.

One thing I feel compelled to point out here is the fact that I NEVER puke. I just don't. If I get really drunk, I'll pass out before I puke. In the 12 years that Chris and I have known each other, he has seen me vomit twice. This makes three times. ...so this was, to say the least, quite alarming.

Despite how horribly ill I was, Chris did not come home for lunch or even so much as call to check on me or to see if I needed anything (...and I did - like THERAFLU!). How disappointing. Shows how I rate, I guess. Oh, and he went directly from work, picked up D and took him to his mom's. They didn't come home until 9:00, 14 hours later.

I digress again. Sheesh.

I was able to get more sleep the next night after finally getting some medecine in me. I'm keeping that shit on hand now, damn it. The next day, feeling weak and hurting like hell inside and out, I laid on the couch & watched the horrors of daytime TV. Everything I ate made my stomach hurt like hell, and even the 7-up my father-in-law brought me hurt. Late that night, I was finally able to hold down some pudding and chicken noodle soup.

This morning, I woke up feeling amazingly well. So, there ya go - how I nearly drowned in my own vomit. Perhaps I should update the 100 things about me page with that little tidbit. lol

By the way, I am completely amazed that I can laugh about it this soon. I guess, sometimes, you just have to laugh to keep from crying.

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July 26, 2004

Poor Andrea Yates 

Most people remember the horrifying story of a Texas woman (in the summer of 2001) who murdered her 5 children by drowning them, one by one, in the bathtub. Although she was covicted of their murders, all along there has been so much focus on the fact that she was mentally ill. Well, of course she was - she would HAVE to be to do what she did.

The latest on Andrea. Poor thing...she won't eat so she's losing too much weight so they put her in the hospital.

"There is apparently a determination within her that wants to put an end to this," her lawyer, Parnham said. "I'm not sure what type of psychiatric medications can offset the reality of what occurred and make her feel better about that."

Feel better??? Why should she be given the privilege of feeling better about what she did? She killed her children! She SHOULD feel bad about it. She should suffer, not be doped up to the point where she has no idea what is going on.

I don't mean to seem unsympathetic to the mentally ill here...I have had my own battles with depression and have had several friends battle mental illnesses, but they never killed anyone. They have her so doped up now that she thinks her kids are still alive.

She's having such a hard time and won't eat - I say let her starve and stop feeding her medication to "make it all go away." After all, she is in prison to pay for what she did. I don't understand why our tax dollars are being spent to make it easier on her. Absolutely preposterous.

She should be allowed to go out of her mind - it is what she deserves. The murderous bitch should be allowed to starve herself to death and relieve society of the burden of paying for her medications, food and lodging.

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May 11, 2004


Its just one of those days when you don't wanna wake up
Everything is fucked
Everybody sucks
You don't really know why
But want justify ripping someone's head off
No human contact
And if you interact
Your life is on contract
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
It's just one of those days!!

It's all about the he said she said bullshit
I think you better quit
Letting shit slip or you'll be leavin with a fat lip
It's all about the he said she said bullshit
I think you better quit talking that shit punk
so come and get it

Its just one of those days
Feeling like a freight train
First one to complain leaves with a blood stain
Damn right I'm a maniac
You better watch your back
Cuz I'm fuckin' up your program
And if your stuck up
You just lucked up
Next in line to get fucked up
Your best bet is to stay away motherfucker
Its just one of those days!!

I feel like shit
My suggestion is to keep your distance 'cause right now i'm dangerous
We've all felt like shit
And been treated like shit
All those motherfuckers that want to step up
I hope you know I pack a chain saw
I'll skin your ass raw
And if my day keeps going this way I just might break somethin' tonight
I hope you know I pack a chain saw

Give me somethin' to break
How bout your fuckin' face
I hope you know I pack a chain saw...

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May 04, 2004

Stuffed Shirt 

Dear Mr. Midlife Crisis,
I know you like to cruise around downtown looking cool in your ooh-look-at-me covertible corvette in that lovely too-hot-to-touch shade of red with the top down while talking on your cell phone. It really attracts attention to your receding hairline and advancing midline. Yeah, you're sexy...now MOVE IT because I'd really like to park and you're in the way! I want my coffee and you are delaying my getting what I want!

Please don't wink at me and go get a life.


Miss Behave


By the way...that chinese food smelled so bad I had to dig it out of my trash and carry it off somewhere far away. It was making me sick!

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Anyone want a bite? 

here is the nasty shit...

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Rotten Stinking Chinese Food 

Got Chinese for lunch...it absolutely sucks. Some coworkers recommended this place (are they high?) and they were ordering today from there so I put in my order. I got chicken lo mein, crab rangoon and egg drop soup. You'd think it would be hard to screw up, but Nooooooooo....the soup is the consistency of fucking glue...I am afraid to taste it. The fried rice that came with the meal is neon yellow...I kid you not - tempted to go get the digi cam to document this. It glows. I am afraid to taste it, as well. The lo mein is the greasiest I have ever seen...it is just repulsive. There isn't much chicken in there and it is full of green onions...a little green onion is fine but they over-did it big time. It makes me think of a greasy pile of earth worms. The crab rangoon gave me a little hope...nice flaky crust on the outside. The filling, however, is NASTY! It tastes almost sour like the cheese has gone bad or something. Now I need to go find something to eat because this shit is NOT FIT FOR HUMAN CONSUMPTION! I wonder if they have a money back guarantee...oh, well, it was only $5.

It came from China House in Des Moines, IA. BEWARE!

I'm getting the digi cam...

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April 19, 2004

Drive the New Ford Cat Killer 

So, Ford comes up with a new idea for a web marketing campaign promoting the new Ford Sportka...only problem is that they kill a cat in the ad! I understand the concept - they want this little mini car to be seen as a little badass, but I couldn't help but cringe as I watched the poor little guy struggle. Now that people are pissed, they are saying that "no animals were harmed" and that the cat was computer generated. If that be the case, it's some of the best cg that I've seen because that cat looks absolutely real. I don't buy it...I think it was a real cat and they just don't want the fallout. They are also trying to cash in on the sensationalism by getting the word out about this car. I would never buy a fucking Ford anyway.

What do you think? Is the cat real???

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April 14, 2004

fucking dumbass drivers 

I have a problem, from time to time, with road rage. It is fueled by these IDIOTS in this town (that being Des Moines, IA) that have no fucking clue how to drive. They don't use turn signals, they nearly cause accidents because they're rubbernecking, they don't merge into the lane that actually goes on until the last possible second causing a bottleneck. MORONS!

This morning, I had this stupid dumb ass whore in her Escalade (sounds like some kind of fancy fucking salad) talking to her pimp on her cell phone and not paying attention to what fucking lane she was in. I guess she thought that, since she had scratched and bit her way to "above" the middle class that she now owns the middle of the road. GET OFF THE FUCKING PHONE AND DRIVE, BITCH!

Then, there was this little old lady causing a traffic jam because she was going 20 in a 40 zone. She could barely see over the fucking steering wheel. When I finally was able to pass her, I noted that she was shaking so badly that she couldn't hardly hold onto the wheel. I actually felt sorry for her. Where is here fucking family and why are the allowing her to continue driving? She obviously should not be and someone needs to take care of her and take her where she needs to go. sad. She looked like she was about 99 years old.

Then, there are the idiotic city workers who block off lanes with their little orange pylons for no apparent reason...they aren't doing anything in that lane, so what the fuck??? "hey billy bob, let's piss a bunch of people off this morning during rush hour by blocking half of university ave. off and causing a traffic jam?!" "sure, cletis, that would be a riot! let me finish my beer, smoke a little more crank and we'll hop to it"

Fucking idiots.

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